Surrogate: 1. a person or thing acting as a substitute; a person appointed to act for another

We see it all the time. We know you have seen it, too. Hopefully it isn’t happening to you.

When you divorce your ex and it doesn’t go smoothly, residual hard feelings get transposed in many different ways. One of these ways can be the attempt to “replace” you as a mother or father. This may be something you feel is happening deliberately or it may just be that your ex has met someone new and this is how you are perceiving the situation.

It also could be your ex choosing an older daughter or son to act as a surrogate parent to your child. This is something seen particularly in blended families where you had a child with this person and his or her children from the previous relationship try and step in or are encouraged to step in, spending what is seen as an excessive amount of time with your son or daughter.

Is this something really happening that you need to reckon with or is it harmless even helpful to your child? We would suggest asking for outside assistance to access the situation. Ask for friends, coworkers and relatives opinion on what this could mean. Is it an attempt to try and replace you in the eyes of your child? Is this new or expanded relationship benefiting your son or daughter? Is my co-parenting being compromised by the time spent with these other influences?

Even though it may be difficult, try and be objective in your evaluation of the situation, Typically, we are not the “Kumbaya”, tree hugger types here at MeGALalert/And Justice For All but if the situation helps the child and the child feels loved and safe, we are all for it as you should be too.

If not, challenge the situation and present facts to your ex if he or she is willing to listen. Your relationship with your child is worth the potentially uncomfortable conversation with your ex.

Please contact at MeGALalert  or MaineGALHelp